Day Zero

Yet again it has been months since my last blog post so I will start with a recap of what has been happening since then. Last time we spoke in September, I was working on the neonatal unit (NNU), which I found very challenging. Working in an environment where you have limited knowledge can make you feel like a spare part, like you can not do an awful lot to help. However, like with any placement I observed, where I could I offered assistance and over the three weeks I learnt a great deal. My biggest learning curve was looking after a baby with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (NAS), feel free to read my previous blog where I explain what this is.

Now the biggest reason for my silence is what came with a bang after my NNU placement, we started our High Risk Module at University. I had been mentally preparing for this day since we started the course and I knew this would be the hardest module for me by far. Each day the sheer volume of information to take in was overwhelming and each day (like many others) I left uni with a massive headache. Weirdly the biggest black cloud loomed over my head during this module, it came with the realisation of ‘this is so important, if I do something wrong, fail to act quick enough then I could be the difference between life and death’. With this notion the tears came. Most nights after uni, while studying I would just cry through fear and thinking ‘can I even do this?’. I do not know why I had not thought of the worst case scenario before… I had been present during high risk scenarios before… I think perhaps I had always felt like a bystander, present in the room but not fully involved but that is all going to change in less than 10 months, when I am a registered midwife.

The High Risk Module rounded up in late December and I hit studying hard, I gave myself Christmas day and Boxing day off but the rest of the time I was huddled over textbooks trying to absorb every little detail I could. My exam was early January and all the tears, hard work and exhaustion paid off when my 2:1 grade came in. I can not put into words how happy this made me feel… With this grade came the simple thought ‘I can do this!’, which is exactly what I needed. Now I make it sound like we all only had an exam to do but we also had a portfolio to hand in with 5 personal reflections, a Safemedicate medicines exam and a 3500 word essay, OH! And not forgetting an oral exam at the end of January. By the end of January I felt fit to drop, with no proper time off in months and still just about managing to hold down a part time job too, I felt exhausted but there is no room for exhaustion on this degree, as swiftly came my last long placement for the year, the antenatal and postnatal ward.

Now I am not going to gloss over how people feel about this placement and equally how some midwives describe working on there, it is often referred to as ‘Hell!’. This is not a helpful explanation of a ward when you are about to start working on there. However, like with most placements, experiences and with people, I make my own judgements. I loved this placement, from start to finish it was very interesting. I worked with a number of midwives that I have not worked with before and especially my sign off mentor who is such a delight to learn from. My sign off mentor especially is the driving force behind my dissertation idea, which I will share with you all at a later date. I think the best aspect of this placement was realising how much I had learnt from my high risk module. During handover when midwives explained why different women had been admitted for various reasons, I could fully understand why they had been admitted and what was likely to happen regarding their care. I go back onto this ward when I return home from India, which I am really excited about and I will share with you then more information about working on there, as a third year student midwife.

This brings me onto India. I am currently sat at Heathrow airport, terminal 5 waiting to board my flight to work at a hospital in Hyderabad. I think the word nervous is an understatement for how I am feeling right now but I know being scared of the unknown is an irrational thought and I am trying to remain positive and excited for what’s to come. Firstly though, I must give a massive thank you to everyone who got me onto this flight. Without the support of friends and family for donating through my crowdfunding page, for the donations by post and for the 97 people who attended my fundraising Bingo evening, I would not be currently sat at terminal 5 waiting to board my flight. In total I raised a massive £1621.50, which covered all the funding required for my trip. Every single person who went out of their way for me, thank you and I love you dearly.

For the next few weeks I am working at Fernandez Hospital Trust in Hyderabad India at their various units - Stork home, High Risk, Labour ward, Birthing unit, Outpatients ward and visiting Government Institutions. I am going to get an incredible insight into how midwifery based medical care is delivered in India. The long term idea is to hopefully return one day as a registered midwife to work. Over the next few weeks I will keep you all posted on what I see and what I learn along the way. For now, my gate is open so I better go and catch my flight.

Let the adventure begin…

Love

Jenny

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